Tag Archives: Mommy

The FTD ‘Good As Gold’ 7 Day Satisfaction Guarantee

We guarantee fresh, beautiful floral arrangements and plants that will last at least seven days.

If you are not satisfied with the freshness of your flowers, please contact us within that time period and we will replace your item or refund your money.

What they say on the FTD The Flower Experts website: see above.

What they mean in real life:  I’ll begin by saying (and I did mention this to customer service) that they forgot the asterisk after the word Guarantee.* You use an asterisk when you want to tell the reader to look somewhere else for more information — and that information is: The only way you can receive a full refund is if we send the florist to pick up the original order — no matter what the circumstance may be. If there is a stuffed bear involved, it must be returned. No exceptions, that’s policy!

Here’s what happened:

Hannah and friends called FTD, ordered a special bouquet, and had it sent  to Kristin’s mom. On Sunday, Hannah went to visit and saw the arrangement. It wasn’t what she ordered. The flowers were tulips of various colors and sizes flopping in the vase, all wrong!  She called FTD (within the 7 day satisfaction guarantee.) They gave her a few options:

  • send out a replacement
  • a refund of a few dollars
  • have the florist pick up the order and then get a full refund. (They could refund the flowers but the florist would have to pick up his vase and stuffed bear if you want it all.)

It’s their policy and all were unacceptable, but Hannah had to catch a train. So Mommy — who loves this stuff– tells Hannah to forward all the information to her.

Monday morning, Mommy prepares for the call: I go online and find the number for the executive office and also the name of the CEO of the company. Then I call customer service.

Hi, I’m calling about an order I placed. The flowers were already wilting and it’s not what I ordered. I’d like a full refund,” I say imitating Hannah’s cute voice. It was the same story. “We can send out a replacement but if you want a full refund we have to pick up the vase and bear.” I read her what it says online about satisfaction guaranteed and a full refund. “Yes, we will give you a full refund but the florist has to pick up the rest of the order.”

So you’re saying that the wrong order was sent and on top of that the flowers weren’t even fresh and I have to call the person I sent the bouquet to and tell her to listen for the door because someone is coming to pick up what’s left of it?” “Well, yes, or we can give you a partial refund and this way she can keep the bear and the vase.” “Sorry, not acceptable. i want a full refund and I’ll have to call the executive office to get it.” I hung up and called the executive office.

The receptionist answers and I say, “I need to speak to someone. I am just livid over an order that I placed.” She transferred me to Member Services and when they answer I say, “Hi, who am I speaking to?” She immediately hung up on me. I call back and tell the receptionist my problem and she transfers me to a Corporate Manager.

So we go through the details again and to my surprise she said the same thing they all said. “I’m sorry but it is our policy — if you want a full refund we have to pick up the merchandise,” she says. “In addition to it being the wrong order, the flowers were already wilted. I’m not returning anything. Your florist sent a shoddy bouquet. Deal with him, not me. I want my money back.

Oh, poor quality, well that’s a different story. We can give you a larger refund and she names an amount. This way she can keep the vase and the bear.” “Not acceptable,” I say. “If you want a full refund you will have to return the vase and bear or the florist will be out the money,” she stupidly says.

Something snapped inside my brain. “What are you crazy? You should fire the damn florist.” “Well, maybe we will,” she responds. “That bouquet she received was embarrassing. The florist screwed up. Not me. I paid for a certain bouquet. I didn’t receive it and I want all my money back.” “That’s not our policy.” “Well, you should make it your policy. You’re telling me that you can’t refund all my money because the florist will be out 20 dollars? Are we really talking about 20 dollars? That’s nothing for your big corporation but 20 dollars is a lot to me. You should stand behind your product and you should also change your website because I don’t see anything about returning the order if you want a full refund. I want a full refund and if you don’t give it to me I’ll call the CEO of the company right now.

Actually this went on for quite a while but then all of a sudden she said, “Oh alright already, I’ll give you the full refund.” “Do you need my credit card?” I calmly say. “No,” she grumbles, she clearly wasn’t happy. But she couldn’t hang up on me because I already had her name.

My mouth wouldn’t stop. I mentioned the web site and all the complaints I heard about FTD in the past day. I told her they better fix the web site and correct the satisfaction guarantee. I told her about the asterisk. She interrupted, “It’s done. I put it through.” “All of it?” I ask. “Yes, all of it.,” she responds. “Will I get an email confirmation?” And, weakly, she said, “yes.”

And here is an excerpt of that email:

We’re sorry that your experience was less than satisfactory.  FTD.COM strives to provide you with the very finest service. Your card has been refunded in full.

Let us assure you that your experience is not typical, and that your future orders will be filled with the special care and attention that they deserve.

Seriously, I’m not making this up.

Text received from Hannah to Mommy (that’s me) — “You’re my hero!

Rain today — Shed tomorrow!

*I’ve been told that 1-800-FLOWERS is a good company to deal with. I checked the web site and didn’t see any mention of satisfaction guarantee but I heard that someone had a problem and was immediately offered a refund.


Filed under Long Island Living, Real life

Planning For a Rainy Day

I sent an email to Rachel on Sunday. It said:

Users Complain iPhone Clock Bungles Daylight Savings

hope you have a backup alarm!!!!! Remember the last time change – – – your alarm didn’t go off!!!! xoxo how is your throat?

I checked my email before I went to bed on Sunday night and she never responded. Well, okay then. She’s a big girl and can take care of herself. Woke up this morning, checked my email — nothing. Made coffee. Drew sat down and said, “Aren’t you going to call Rachel to see if she got up?” “No, only if she asked and she didn’t.”  Well, guess what, at 8:10 I picked up my cell phone and there it was — a text from Rachel: Please wake me up at 7:45.

What kind of mommy am I? Am I going to be the reason she loses her job? Blame me . . . tell them at work it was my fault?!? isn’t it always? I quickly called her and she was on her way to work. Whew! Well, tomorrow is another day. Today I have a list.

I went online to Zappos.com and made a list of some walking shoes I wanted to try on. I wrote down styles and prices. First thing I did was return Drew’s new coat. He didn’t like the idea of identical coats. So I returned the coat to Sear’s and spent some time looking around for a raincoat. (Preparing for Seattle days.) Bought a Land’s End sweater and t-shirt — no raincoat. Then I went to the mall. Checked out Dick’s Sporting Goods  —  rain jackets too expensive.

Ended up in The Walking Store looking for shoes. Of course they didn’t have any of the styles on my list but I figured I could try some on and if I find what I like I can go home and look for a discount online. I spent a lot of time in the store with the sales lady. She measured my feet. When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes and had someone size your feet and check your toe placement in the shoe?  She was in her 20’s and her birthday was Thursday.

I pointed to a pair of ecco’s. “These just came in. They are so light and will keep your feet dry.” Ah, just what I wanted. I tried them on and really tried not to like them or at least I tried not to buy them. They were way more that I wanted to pay. But I spent so much time with her and it was her birthday soon (I bet she tells that to all the customers.) So, I bought them. I guess I can return them on Thursday or Friday. (Her days off this week.)

I don’t know what got into me. But wait, it gets even worse. I was hungry and I wanted a frozen yogurt. I went to the food court and stopped in front of Johnny Rockets. I knew it was wrong but I sat at the counter and ordered a vanilla malted. It was piled high with whipped cream and I just sucked the whole thing up. It was too sweet and not malty enough. Ugg, I thought I would never eat again. But I did.

Dinner was hot and sour soup and chicken and asparagus stir fry.

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Filed under Everyday Woman, Long Island Living, Real life

I Am Not a Joiner — But I Do My Share of Volunteering

I found Jack through a phone call to LIMA. And I found the Human Bean Coop through Jack. I was looking for a food coop like the one I shopped at in San Francisco. It seemed the hippy healthy thing to do.

My dad was sick . . . well, that’s an understatement. He had kidney cancer and we were all searching for the miracle cure. I went the way of macrobiotics. I took cooking classes with Pam and Jan, always making sure to mention my nut and sesame allergies before signing up.  Jack said it would be no problem. My first class was in his kitchen. There were around 6 or 8 of us sitting around the kitchen counter. He was making a cauliflower tahini sauce in the blender. (Ah, did he use tahini?) Then he emptied the blender and, without rinsing it, he filled it with ingredients for the next dish. I felt like one big itchy hive. I couldn’t eat anything and asked for my money back. He said that was not his policy. Apparently eating this way does not make you a good person (or a smart one.)  What good came of it? He told me of JoAnne’s Farm Stand and the Human Bean Coop. So you could say that was why the divine spirit led me to Jack.

I volunteered and shopped at the coop and I started cooking my own macro food. I felt great. Didn’t get those 4 o’clock sleepy blues. My dad didn’t fare so well. He died within a year of his diagnosis.

I stocked shelves, priced items, and brought toddler hannah along to help. Then I volunteered to put together a newsletter. This involved interacting with other people. I went to the board meetings. Always arguing. I stopped volunteering, stopped shopping there, and soon after, they closed up shop. (No, I can’t take blame for that.)

The next newsletter I edited was the PTA Post. I was a good mommy. I was involved. I helped out during pizza Fridays, and worked the plant and book sales. And for most of my years spent as a Camp Avenue mommy I edited the PTA Post (with the help of my friend Pat S.) And because of this I felt I had to go to all the PTA meetings. Why is it that some people take this time to bring up an issue that has only to do with their child and they want an answer now. Zzzzzzzzz, boring. Some one needs to slam down that gavel and say, “Not now, make an appointment.” Doesn’t work that way. Everyone argues, “I think we should donate the extra twenty dollars to the Save the Whales Fund.” “What? No way, we need to buy  a new book for my child’s class” “How about buying a gift for the crossing guard . . . ” This could go on and on and on. Hey mommies and daddies, aren’t we all here for the children. We should all be on the same page. I did not want to be there. It had to end. It did. My girls were on their way to middle school.

After that I unwittingly volunteered to edit the temple newsletter. But first I went to a few sisterhood meetings. Nope, not for me. Then somehow, I don’t know how this happened but I received a call from Betsy B., “How would you like to put together the message?”  For some reason I thought she was referring to writing short classifieds or something. “Yeah, sure.” The next day I am given a big box full of old stuff. Old newsletters, old pictures, old articles. What have I done? I went to a few board meetings.  I didn’t want to be there. I’d rather be fooled into thinking everyone liked each other and got along.

Done with that! Sleeping through the night. Then the phone call from Gerda, “Vicki dear, the hort society is looking for someone to take over the newsletter. You would be perfect. What do you think? We’ll get to see each other at the meetings. It will be so much fun.”  She thought it would be a good way to get me to meetings so we could hang together. Ahh, an organization in need. I thought about it and figured it would keep me involved in horticulture, so why not? I became editor and then a member. So what happened to Gerda? Apparently she was too busy being a grandma to care about me.

So now I am done with the LIHS newsletter and I have replaced it with my daily blog. Please don’t make me join anything!

Dinner tonight: Last night’s leftovers and a fresh eggplant dish.

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Filed under Baby boomer, Everyday Woman, Home Improvement

Pizza, pancakes, fried green tomatoes, and good coffee

Time: Saturday night around 9:30

Place:: Hemingway’s, Wantagh

Cell phone rings. It’s Rachel. (uh oh)

Hi,” I scream into the phone. “What are you doing?” she asks. Not a good sign. (“Did she really say that to you too?” comments Hannah when she read this draft.)

Eating dinner. Why? You want to come home?” I jokingly say. “Well, no. Not if I can help it.” she responds. And from then it was pure psycho-squealing from Rachel’s end. “What? What are you saying? I can’t understand you?” I yell over the roar of the crowd. “Have you talked to Hannah?” I think I hear her say. More squealing. This goes on for a while. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Meanwhile, Drew is staring at my plate. “Are you finished eating?” He’s eyeing my last bit of food. It’s sitting there too long for him. I’m trying to decipher whatever it is Rachel is saying and, at the same time, keep Drew’s fork off my plate til I am ready to hand over the goods. Ah, it’s not easy being a slow eating multitasking mommy.

What was the call all about? Rachel locked herself out of her apartment. Her keys are inside and she is outside —  in between is a locked door. With nowhere to go she decides to call mommy. (Oops, what was that she mumbled? Something about a seat at the bar?) Can we pick the keys up from Mooney at her workplace on our way to the city tomorrow? Answer: yes. Meanwhile Hannah’s roommates will save Rachel from a night on the street. Hannah is here in Merrick and Rachel is in Hannah’s bed in the city. Lucky for Rachel we had already planned on driving in for Sunday brunch.

An early Sunday morning text from Rachel says she’s in her apartment. Josh has a key and he was there. What a rainy awful day — drove to city and stopped off at Clinton Street Bakery. We send Hannah out in the rain to get our name on the list. “She said to call in 1 1/2 hours and she will let us know how long,” she reports back. I make a face. It’s raining, I’m hungry. Waiting an hour is okay but hours . . .  Hannah sees my reaction and has that constipated look that she occasionally has — you know the look, when things don’t always go as planned and you switch to plan b — well Hannah does not live in a world where there is a plan b. She wanted to take us to Clinton St. for the great pancakes and that was that. Drew and I glance at each other. What to do. What else? Pick up Rachel and go to Crocodile Lounge to drink bloody marys and share a small pizza to hold us over. A toast to change: Columbia and California!

Hours later, sitting in Clinton Street Bakery, we were a happy family. Drew and Rachel ordered some eggy dishes. Hannah and I ordered blueberry pancakes served with warm maple butter. We all tasted the fried green tomatoes which, by the way, weren’t green and drank good coffee. Mmmmmmmmm . . . so much to eat!

A Happy Family Brunch on a Rainy Day

No dinner tonight– just some green tea.

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Filed under Empty nesting, Family, Food