The following abridged and slightly edited texts were sent between 2:38 PM and 7:48 pm on Wednesday, April 27, 2011:
Hannah: THERE’S A DEAD COCKROACH IN MY ROOM
Mom: Pick it up.
Hannah: Ew, no.
Mom: Then text Steven. He’ll come over and pick it up.
Hannah: Nooooooo. I don’t want to bother him.
Mom: Do you have a deep fryer?
Hannah leaves for her yoga class and comes back to an empty apartment an hour and a half later.
Hannah: The cockroach is gone!!!! OMG where did it go.
Mom: Maybe it was dozing. Why didn’t you stomp on it when you had the chance?
Hannah: Ew mom, whatsoever should I do?
Mom: Have a drink
Hannah: There’s no wine around.
In between Hannah’s trauma, Rachel starts texting me (she already knows about Hannah’s dead roach. Everybody already knows about Hannah’s dead roach — be happy it isn’t a rat.)
Rachel: I just tried uni at a place that always says how good theirs is. I was scared. It was delicious. I wish I chewed it slower but I was scared.
Mom to Rachel: Hannah’s roach is gone.
Rachel: I know I got the update. Haha. I told her she could come to me. It was so good. You have to try the uni here. It’s delicious.
I’m talking to Hannah on the phone and her roommate, Nadia, walks in. They chat and I hear joy in Hannah’s voice. She talks into her cell again, “Hold on Mom, I have to hug Nadia.” Apparently Nadia was home while Hannah was at yoga and she threw out the dead cockroach.
I text this update to Rachel.
Hannah loves Nadia . . . awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
And Rachel loves uni . . . mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. (Uni anyone? Try it at Fu Sushi in the East Village.)
I live an exciting life through unlimited texting!